Let's try if we can thread the needle and talk about the current Model S without inciting a $*&% storm of venom from both supporters and opponents.
I'm simply going to cross my fingers.
To refresh your memory, the Tesla Model S is a fully electric automobile that initially went on sale in 2012.
Its fundamental form has stayed the same since then.
It has received some cosmetic tweaks to keep it current, but the core functionality has remained substantially untouched.
The automobile isn't truly locked or unlocked.
Instead, when you approach, it detects the key in your pocket and hands you the door handles.
You have a frunk or front trunk up front and rear if you don't have an engine up front.
The wide cargo space is easily accessible thanks to its motorized opening.
There's a covered place beneath the floor right here where you can keep your charging peripherals or flamethrower, and if you want to conduct a Marie Kondo- style cleanse, you can donate some items to Goodwill.
The back seats can be flipped out.
I can't get in because the door handles won't allow me.
Tesla, please.
Come on, Betsy, you can do it.
Flippity, flippity do.
In front, there is plenty of room to park.
There's plenty of room in the second row, at least with the glass canopy, for my five- foot- ten- inch frame.
I wish there was a little more room for my toes beneath the front seats, but I appreciate that the floor is entirely flat, so if you sit in the middle position, it's not too horrible because there's no hump for the drive system or exhaust.
The Tesla app gives you quick access to vehicle functions as well as the opportunity to summon your car like a stylish, sleek automobile Frankenstein.
Come on, my sweetheart.
I'm sorry to hear that Tesla no longer offers rear jump seats, but if you require seven seats and don't want to drive an SUV, jump seats on a Mercedes-Benz E- Class wagon are still available.
There is no start button on the inside; you simply seat down, step on the brake, press the stalk, and drive away.
Shut the door first, if possible.
Almost all of the vehicle's controls are accessed through the 17-
inch touchscreen. We're going to spend some time here.
Tesla has done an excellent job of organizing the menu structure, fine-
tuning steering efforts, and adjusting the degree of regenerative braking.
Use Google Maps to get about.
By lavishly pimping your SoundCloud account, you may pause, pause, or tweak autopilot behavior.
If I were to have a criticism, it would be that several controls may be better activated via physical controls.
Let's assume your daughter drops a lollipop in the middle of the night and you want the dome lights turned on.
That will necessitate a detour over here to the menu lights.
The other hand is illuminated by the sticky dome.
The Model S may deliver functionality upgrades via over-
the-
air software updates, which are typically based on owner feedback, because it relies less on physical controllers.
Someone at Tesla, for example, believed the Model S required a roaring fireplace and a whoopee cushion feature that activates humorously with the turn signal, thus the features were implemented.
Dog mode, which keeps your dog comfortable while you're gone, and sentry mode, which plays loud muffled music, are two other important upgrades.
That is, I wouldn't hold my breath for smartphone connectivity with Apple CarPlay or Android Auto.
The problem is, Siri plays Dancing Queen in almost every current car I drive since I have Apple Music and excellent taste.
When I play Dancing Queen in the Model S, however, it launches a Dancing Queen-
themed streaming service, which may or may not really play Dancing Queen.
That is a level of royalties I cannot afford.
This is my final chance to get out of here before I have to pay Abba money.
Another anomaly is the lack of a 360-
degree view when parking, despite the fact that every Model S comes equipped with an array of eight cameras and, once again, inch-
specific parking sensors and a highly-
skilled automated parking system help a lot.
There are also concerns regarding the quality of the product.
I mean, is this the kind of interior you'd get in a Porsche Panamera costing $85,000 or a Mercedes-
Benz Ea7?
For example,
the entire responsible electric vehicle commuter image obscures the reality that the Model S hauls ass and produces electric torque while squeezing unwary passengers into their seats.
Furthermore, all-
wheel drive is the ideal choice for optimum acceleration from a standing start.
If you get tired of turning electrons into ecstasy, you'll like other features like a pleasant lack of engine noise and a good ride quality, albeit the base 19-
inch wheels would be a smoother choice than our testers' optional 20-inch wheels. As I previously stated, the steering is a touch aloof in its communication, but if you don't want to steer, the Model S will gladly take over.
The Model S comes standard with front collision warning, automatic emergency braking, and side collision warning, but you can upgrade to autopilot for $3,000 at delivery or $4,000 afterward.
Simply seek for the little steering wheel icon in the instrument panel.
When you double-
pull the tiny stock, the upgraded autopilot will take care of the steering, braking, and accelerating.
I'm prepared to step in and help.
I wouldn't call it a bat, at the risk of over-
promising, but it's basically a collection of functions, including automated parking.
Let's get started with autopilot navigation, which will take you up the on-
ramp and into traffic.
This is confirmed by the turn signal stock, which ultimately leads you down the off-
ramp.
Yes,
Oh
, and it's moving at 16 mph.
It irritates the individual in front of us.
This is inconvenient.
Let's see what happens when she combines.
Let's see how she integrates now.
Yes,
Oh, God, making the lane shift was horrible, and it spooked out the driver who was speeding by me on the right incoming lane change.
It recommends to double-
check the lane switch with stock.
Prepare t
o help if you're attempting to perform the maneuver.
This feels more complex in some ways than if I were truly attempting to be clear.
Although my hands are on the driving wheel, I am not steering.
My foot is on the brake, but it does not engage.
I can confirm that the system works, albeit with the following caveats:
If a car is following you on the left, for example, it may slow down, sometimes impolitely, to wait for a gap.
The arrangement looks to favor the left lane, which I and the rest of Germany find unacceptable.
Keep right except when passing, and if you have the HOV tab turned on, it will try to place you in the carpool lane even though the next interchange is only a few miles away, causing an unpleasant lift.
Let's make sure everything is in order.
You are correct.
Let's go ahead and confirm the route adjustment.
So there's a car right next to us slowing down, breaking, panicking, auto lane change cancelled, and it didn't slow down enough to get behind that Toyota Tacoma, and now I'm going to miss my off-
ramp.
So, I'm
simply going to step in here and intervene.
Thank you so much for everything.
Sometimes it takes a human to do a robot's job, and we did a fantastic job with the off-
ramp.
That got
a little difficult, but I think it would make a lot more sense over time.
Be wary of suicide.
Tesla has sold enough vehicles that federal tax credits for buying one are progressively being phased away, but state incentives and fuel savings remain to be considered.
After that, you can have a Model S standard range for a little more than $80,000, including $1200 in destination taxes.
This pricing includes 19-
inch wheels, a fake leather inside, an eight-
year unlimited-
mile battery and drive unit guarantee, and a zero-
to-
sixty acceleration time of little over four seconds.
That's a rapid start for an extra four thousand bucks, in case you didn't know.
You can upgrade to the Model S performance for roughly $100,000, which has a range of 315 miles and a zero-to- 60 speed of three seconds.
If you require even more speed, the insane mode adds $15,000 to the purchase price, which is thematically appropriate.
You can accelerate from immobile to 60 miles per hour in around 2.4 seconds in ridiculous mode.
It's improbable that you'll come across another car in your daily life that can make it run quicker.
Even faster is Ludacris Plus, which descends from zero to 60 times in a fraction of a second and allows quarter-
mile runs in the mid-
tens.
Simply press the L
udacris button and marvel at the coolness.
Tesla has a massive supercharging infrastructure, with charging stations almost everywhere in the United States.
For example, a 30-
minute charge adds around 170 miles of range, but a full charge from near-
empty takes more than an hour.
When going cross-
country, the navigation system is intelligent enough to calculate a route that provides for supercharging stops while also taking into consideration geography, traffic, and other factors.
It's difficult not to be impressed with the Tesla Model S after speaking with one of its owners or spending time in one.
The S seems futuristic and new even this late in its life cycle, making electric car ownership glamorous, fast, and enticing.
The Model X is a great ride if you have the funds and are willing to overlook its flaws.
Please forgive me while I go play some Atari and prepare myself for furious remarks.
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